(Referece for Genesis 45:8)

Or HaChaim on Genesis 45:8

וְעַתָּה לֹא אַתֶּם וְגוֹ׳. פֵּרוּשׁ, לָתֵת טַעַם לְהָסִיר מִלִּבָּם חֲשַׁשׁ הַשִּׂנְאָה, לְבַל יַחְשְׁבוּ כִּי יוֹסֵף יִשְׂטֹם אוֹתָם וְיִשְׂנָאֵם עַל אֲשֶׁר נִתְאַכְזְרוּ עָלָיו, וְיִהְיֶה בְּעֵינֵיהֶם דָּבָר רָחוֹק שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לֵב יוֹסֵף נָכוֹן עִמָּם, לָזֶה אָמַר לָהֶם: הֵן אֱמֶת כִּי בִּשְׁעַת מַעֲשֶׂה אֲשֶׁר מְכָרוּהוּ הָיוּ הַדְּבָרִים זָרִים בְּעֵינָיו, אֵיךְ יִהְיֶה כָּל הָאַכְזָרִיּוּת בְּלֵב אַחִים עַל אֲחִיהֶם, וּרְאוּיִים הֵם לִהְיוֹת שְׂנוּאִים אֶצְלוֹ.

"Now, you did not send me here, etc." Joseph explained why he told the brothers not to worry that he still hated them for what they had done to him and how cruelly they had treated him. He implied that it was true that at the time he certainly had not understood why they could have harboured so much resentment against him; he had had reason to hate them for that; ועתה, now, things had become clear.

אָכֵן עַתָּה, אַחַר רְאוֹתוֹ כָּל הַנִּמְשָׁךְ מִירִידָתוֹ מִצְרַיִם, יָדַע כִּי הַמַּעֲשֶׂה הָיָה מֵאֵת ה׳, וְהֵם שְׁלִיחוּתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ עָשׂוּ וְלֹא שְׁלִיחוּת עַצְמָם, וּבָזֶה אֵין מָקוֹם לִשְׁמֹר לָהֶם אֵיבָה וְלֹא לְהַרְחִיק מִדַּת הָאַחְוָה מֵהֶם.

Having reflected on all that had transpired since the brothers had sold him, Joseph had realised that it had been part of an overall design orchestrated by G'd. The brothers had merely been G'd's agents, though they did not realise it at the time. It would not be appropriate for him to continue to feel hatred towards them.

וְאוּלַי כִּי בָּזֶה הָיָה לָהֶם פָּנִים לַעֲמֹד לִפְנֵי אֲבִיהֶם כְּשֶׁנִּגְלָה הַדָּבָר, כִּי הֵם הַגּוֹרְמִים לוֹ אֵבֶל וּבְכִי עֶשְׂרִים וּשְׁתַּיִם שָׁנָה וְעָשׂוּ הַמַּעֲשֶׂה הַמּוּפְלָא בְּמֶכֶר אֲחִיהֶם, וְרוֹאַנִי שֶׁגַּם בּוֹשׁ לֹא יֵבוֹשׁוּ מֵאֲבִיהֶם. וְהָיָה נִרְאֶה לוֹמַר כִּי יַעֲקֹב לֹא יָדַע גּוּף הַמַּעֲשֶׂה, וְזֶה דֶּרֶךְ רָחוֹק, כִּי פְּשִׁיטָא שֶׁלֹּא יִמָּנַע מֵחֲקוֹר זֹאת הֵיאַךְ נִתְגַּלְגְּלוּ הַדְּבָרִים עַד שֶׁיָּרַד יוֹסֵף לְמִצְרַיִם, וְגַם מַעֲשֵׂה כְּתֹנֶת הַפַּסִּים הַמּוּבָא אֵלָיו מֻטְבָּל בְּדָם. אֶלָּא וַדַּאי כִּי בְּטַעֲנַת ״לֹא אַתֶּם שְׁלַחְתֶּם״ וְגוֹ׳ שֶׁאָמַר יוֹסֵף, הֻכַּר הַדָּבָר כִּי מֵאֵת ה׳ הָיְתָה זֹאת וְאֵין לְהַרְהֵר אַחַר מִדּוֹתָיו, וְהוּא אָמְרָם זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (בראשית רבה פז:א) רָאוּי הָיָה יַעֲקֹב לָרֶדֶת בְּשַׁלְשְׁלָאוֹת וְכוּ׳:

Perhaps this consideration enabled the brothers to face their father who would now have to become aware that it was the brothers who had caused him to mourn the loss of Joseph all these years. In view of the outcome, the brothers did not even need to feel shame when they faced their father. It is quite unlikely that once Jacob had become aware that Joseph was the ruler in Egypt that he should not have made every effort to find out how Joseph came to be in Egypt and what happened to cause his striped coat to become blood-drenched at the time. The only argument that would reconcile Jacob and his sons with what had happened was that it had become evident that G'd's plan had been executed step by step. There was no point in second-guessing why and how G'd had brought all this about. Our sages in Bereshit Rabbah 86,1 have already said that Jacob had originally been meant to descend to Egypt in chains, but that the sale of Joseph enabled him to arrive in Egypt in style, i.e. riding in Pharaoh's chariot.

Eliyahu Munk, Lambda Publishers, 1998